Don't Cling to Me

Someone recently said to me that within the next 21 days Charley would "communicate" with me by doing a particular thing.

You know, honestly, I would love to hear from my husband ... 

but it doesn't work that way.

I have lots of questions for him ...

Like,

how did you know it was time to go?

what should I do about ...?

what do you think about ...?

do you miss me, like I miss you???

Jesus knows and understands this emotional attachment I struggle with ....

He said to Mary Magdalene, “Don’t cling to Me,” when she finally recognized Him.

If someone tells you not to do something, it's usually because you are doing it ... which means she WAS clinging to Him.

I get that ... totally.

I do not think that Charley would want me to "cling to him" either ....

If I'm honest with myself, I should not attempt to look for Charley HERE ... 

I should fully and completely expect him to be THERE.

I should trust my memories of our 18 years together to reassure me that, yes, he did love me ... after all he certainly went above and beyond as a husband and father, working to provide for our needs until he could, literally, no longer walk out the door ....

and if he knew I wanted to know ... I believe ... he would ... without hesitation ... say he missed me.

But he's not here .... he's THERE ... 

.... and he's not an angel watching over me.

And that's okay ...

I already have a Shepherd taking care of me ...

And he would appreciate that.

I think the reason that Heaven is Eternal is because we, even in casting off our mortal tent, need that "time" to process ... grasp ... absorb ... the "inexpressible" of which we cannot speak.

I may continue to weep every day for what I miss, but I cannot cling to or try to bind Charley to earth ...

because I love him ... that much.