Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Inching Forward

A year of "firsts" have come and gone ... anniversaries ... the kind that you don't want to celebrate ... because they're all reminders that someone special is missing .... 

first Father's Day, 

first summer break, 

first family reunion, 


holidays ...

and the one day you will always look at with a twinge of sorrow ... 

the first anniversary of when you said goodbye.

My emotions are still all over the place ... up ... down ... sideways.  Like yesterday, while I was pulling together stuff from the garden to make for dinner, random tears suddenly started flowing and I had to stop and catch my breath ... treasured memories just want to spill out when you least expect them.

It's a strange road to travel ... but I've managed to fool everyone into thinking I'm doing just fine ... well, not everyone ... there are the chosen few who see beyond the platitudes ... the ones who have an occasional glimpse of the loneliness and confusion .... but they don't push me to "move on" and even allow me to drag my feet a little in the healing process.

God is so gracious to me.

Still ... it seems like I'm making progress ... my smile isn't so forced ... and it's finally showing up now and then when I'm all alone.  

I guess you can say I'm inching forward .....