There is a Time ...

I didn't make any plans for Charley's birthday this month.

It wasn't until the day before, when I was preparing the house for a little guest to spend the week with us, that a few ideas started slowly gathering in my mind.  The morning of his birthday some more ideas fell into place and we ended up spending the day in a unique "to our family" kind of way.

First, after our little guest arrived, I went to the store and selected four balloons, one for each of us and we traveled down to the cemetery.

I wasn't sure if our three year old guest would be willing to relinquish his balloon ... and already planned in my heart that that would be okay ... but, when it came time to release our balloons with our birthday wishes, one by one they all took flight ... as we stood watching them soar higher and higher into the sky I couldn't help but smile and think that Charley would be smiling, too.

Then we traveled over to the Green Valley Book Fair where I picked up a few gifts, one for our little guest and a few others for some loved ones with birthdays coming up.

Because I couldn't find one particular item I was commissioned to look for we made a quick stop at the Farmer's Market where I found it straight away.

Next stop was The Wood Grill, where we all stuffed ourselves and made sure to have a bowl of ice cream in Charley's honor.

Then we crossed over to Costco where we purchased a few more gifts ... after all, that's what birthdays are for ... spending time with family, good food, ice cream and gifts.

Happy birthday, Charley!

My Helmet Shielding My Head

I said to Adonai, “You are my God; listen, Adonai, to my plea for mercy.” 

Adonai, Adonai, my saving strength, my helmet shielding my head in battle, 

Adonai, don’t grant the wicked their wishes; 

make their plot fail, so they won’t grow proud. 

~Psalm 140:6-8~

(Selah)

Inching Forward

A year of "firsts" have come and gone ... anniversaries ... the kind that you don't want to celebrate ... because they're all reminders that someone special is missing .... 

first Father's Day, 

first summer break, 

first family reunion, 

birthdays, 

holidays ...

and the one day you will always look at with a twinge of sorrow ... 

the first anniversary of when you said goodbye.

My emotions are still all over the place ... up ... down ... sideways.  Like yesterday, while I was pulling together stuff from the garden to make for dinner, random tears suddenly started flowing and I had to stop and catch my breath ... treasured memories just want to spill out when you least expect them.

It's a strange road to travel ... but I've managed to fool everyone into thinking I'm doing just fine ... well, not everyone ... there are the chosen few who see beyond the platitudes ... the ones who have an occasional glimpse of the loneliness and confusion .... but they don't push me to "move on" and even allow me to drag my feet a little in the healing process.

God is so gracious to me.

Still ... it seems like I'm making progress ... my smile isn't so forced ... and it's finally showing up now and then when I'm all alone.  

I guess you can say I'm inching forward .....

Give Us This Day

A little over two years ago I was compelled to start sharing a daily verse on Facebook. Another year passed and I was compelled to find a picture to go with the verse. I never know where the Lord is going to lead me when I open His Word ... this was the picture and verse for today ... which seemed very appropriate for the eve of Charley's passing ....

My goal is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead. Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 3:10-12~

I am still struggling with a LOT of emotions and still find myself crying at the most inopportune moments  .... some days I really don't know what in the world I'm doing here .... but I'm trying .... "trying" being the key word .... trying to stay in His will and not rush into anything or do anything stupid .... trying to let Him lead me and guide me in every area of my life .... thankfully the Lord has been faithfully feeding me His "daily bread" every single morning, so that I can get through each day in a way that honors Him.

Hope Will Pull You Out

Promise once it shut you out

You ask, "What was that all about now?"

You and I, through rise and fall

We've seen the horizon through it all now

Close your eyes this time

'Cause trust is all we have tonight

But trust will be forever

Safe your dreams will be

'Cause trust will be the light tonight

So close your eyes this time

The trust will be your light tonight

So close your eyes this time

The house sits stale, it lets you roam

Inside it just don't feel like home now

I promise hope will pull you out

For that's what love is all about

Close your eyes this time

'Cause trust is all we have tonight

But trust will be forever

Safe your dreams will be

'Cause trust will be the light tonight

So close your eyes this time

The trust will be your light tonight

So close your eyes

And time will turn this place around

For a man you call Jesus was still a son like you

Sons will spend their days searching hard

For the things they are made of

They are made of

So close your eyes this time

And trust will be the light tonight

So close your eyes this time

And trust will be the light tonight

So close your eyes

To Listen To This Song Go Here ----------------->   Close Your Eyes

Just because ...

I really don't need a special day 

to remember you ... 

but just for the record ... 

you will always be my Valentine 

and I will love you forever, Charley.

Two Precious Souls

We were devastated to hear

that during a routine ultrasound check up

they discovered no heartbeat for both twins.

Even though we know that these two precious souls
 are now resting in the glorious arms of our Lord

we still grieve the loss of watching them grow up.

It comforts me to imagine that Charley,
along with many of their other Grandparents,
and family members, will be hovering nearby

waiting for a turn to snuggle
these two new inhabitants of eternal joy.

I imagine that eventually their Aunt

and a whole host of other little ones

will gladly give them a tour

of their new home.