The Valley of the Shadow of Death

Tuesday, November 8, began like any typical day, with kissing Charley goodbye and getting the kids on task with their lessons.  We did have an added adventure of learning how to run the church library. The kids were enjoying their "internship" of managing the computer entries for new books when I got a call from Charley saying that he was not feeling well and had left work early.  We quickly went back home and I could see that Charley was indeed not well and in a lot of pain.  I left the kids at home with their big sister and took Charley to the ER, where the person at the admitting desk advised that we might want to call his Oncologist first and see what they recommended.  Charley's nurse asked how quickly we could get him to their office and they saw him almost immediately once we arrived.  The doctor on call said that Charley appeared to have an ear infection and sent us home with a prescription for "Z-pack" (a five day antibiotic).  Charley took the two pills that night and some ibuprofen for the pain and went to bed early.

On Wednesday, Charley was up and had eaten breakfast as usual, but was still in a good bit of pain and running a temp so he did not go into work.  I had to do a wellness checkup for his company insurance, so I left the house a little before 10:00, dropped some books off at the library, had my check up and went straight home.  When I got home Charley was in bed, so I checked on him and asked if he wanted some toast or anything. He agreed to the toast and wanted to come out to eat it, rather than have it in bed.  He still felt warm and was still running a fairly high temperature. I called the nurse and asked her "at what point should I bring him in?" and she advised that if he was not able to keep anything down and becoming dehydrated that he definitely needed to be seen.  Shortly after "lunch" Charley went back to bed and while in bed he "lost his lunch" so I quickly helped him into the shower to get cleaned up.  He had been acting a wee bit peculiar, what I thought was hallucinating I now see as a "confused state of mind."

Getting Charley in and out of the shower was scary. He did not understand what I was trying to do and looked at me as though he did not know me.  I had him sit in his recliner while I cleaned up the linens/bedroom.  Not knowing better I continued to just check his temperature and feed him ibuprofen.  I called the nurse a second time to let her know that his temp was not staying down and ask what else I could do. She said that what he had was probably viral and to alternate tylenol with the ibuprofen every two hours.  While resting on the sofa Charley "lost his lunch" again and I had to take him into the shower again.  He had never been that messy before, so I was concerned, but assumed it was par for the course with this type of viral thing.  Back to the sofa he went and later that evening he felt cool to the touch, so I had hopes that his fever was breaking.

Charley had spent the night on the sofa, while I hovered nearby on the love seat.  He had gotten up once during the night to go to the bathroom and seemed bewildered about what to do.  After going to the bathroom I took him back to the sofa and he went straight back to sleep.  I didn't know what to do, but to let him sleep and hope the few more hours til morning would turn things around.  Instead it got worse.

Thursday morning took us to edge of the "Valley" ....

I got up, fixed some toast and grabbed a cup of coffee and another of juice for him to take his ibuprofen. I had difficulty getting him to sit up and when he took a couple of sips of the coffee he seemed to have great difficulty swallowing. I decided then to get him to the ER, but I couldn't get him to stand up, so I called Mandy up from her apartment downstairs.  We both could not get him to stand up or even understand what we were doing, so I called Rescue to come get him .... it took all three guys to get him on the gurney and out the door.

While they were getting Charley onto the gurney, Suzy called to get an update on Charley ... she had been praying for him all along, but wanted to stay on top of his most recent illness.  We had to cut our conversation short ... you can read about her side of the events at her blog.

Before leaving the house, I called our Deacon, Nick, to let him know and to get the word out for people to start praying.

Our local ER attending physician was deeply concerned about Charley's condition and mentioned some trauma to the brain and asked if we had discussed what to do regarding a living will.  This added to my shock, because I'm still baffled that an ear infection and seemingly "normal" viral infection has turned into a serious life or death situation.  They did a CAT scan and were on the phone with Charley's Oncologist to determine what needed to be done.  In the meantime, Nick and another Deacon, Brother Dave, came and stayed with me until the decision was made to send Charley north to a better facility and so his Oncologist could assess the situation.

At this point, Suzy was on her way to the hospital so I called to reroute her to the other hospital.  We had to wait until a bed was available and then for transport to come down and drive him back.  I dashed home to let Mandy know and to grab a different cell phone with more minutes.  As soon as the guys were there to transport him I got in my car and drove to the hospital. I met Suzy and Joey in the family room on the Oncology floor.

We've entered the "Valley" ....

When Charley arrived and they took him to his room it was clear on the faces of the staff attending him that this was more serious than they expected.  In fact, his Oncologist pulled me out into the hallway and said, "this is much more serious than I thought, but I want you to know that we are on this and we will have some answers right away."  A Neurologist was called in and then I started hearing the word Meningitis.  Infectious Disease was called in to do a Lumbar Puncture and sure enough, his spinal fluid was cloudy.  He was immediately moved to the Intensive Care Unit.  At this point, Mandy, Rachel, my Mom and Stepdad had all popped in to lend their support and prayers.

In the meantime, Charley was nodding at everyone in front of his face, but clearly not comprehending who, what, where or why.  He never uttered a word, he just moaned with pain whenever his head was moved ... only one time did he veer from that, to grin, at Suzy when he opened his eyes to see her standing before him.

Late Thursday evening I slept on a sofa while the doctors and nurses did what they could to make Charley comfortable and get him turned around.  I honestly did not know if he was going to make it.  I was trying to take comfort in the thought that many were praying and sending long distance hugs/love our way, but I honestly did not know what to expect next ....

Friday, November 11, I woke up early and in spite of little sleep I was alert and anxious to get into the I.C.U. and see how Charley was doing.  But, before I went in I desperately pleaded with God to give me some "hope" that Charley would be okay.

When I went to his room I had to put on a gown and mask and could see him watching me from his bed.  He kept his eyes open the entire time which surprised me and when I waved, he waved back.  My heart soared.  I was hesitant to hope, but I needed something, anything ....  When I approached his bed and looked into his eyes I saw a little bit more clarity than the evening before ... and then slowly ... ever so slowly ... watched a miracle unfold before my eyes.

Joey and Suzy joined me shortly after and we took great delight in seeing Charley start talking, asking questions and responding to the doctors and nurses.  He asked several times, "what happened?"  By Friday evening Charley was on the hearts and minds of literally thousands of people and I could see a clear ray of hope shining on the other side of our "valley" ....

He was not only talking, he was joking around .... and he wanted to watch his favorite Friday night show, Fringe!  Then a second night in I.C.U. was followed by more progress with doctors and nurses constantly expressing amazement at the changes.

Saturday, November 12, saw even more improvements in clarity of mind, memory recall, cognitive abilities ... in fact he didn't act at all like he was fighting a deadly disease.  His sister came up to visit, delighted to see him doing so well and able to go home with peace of mind, knowing he was mending well.

We took great joy in seeing him "graduate" back to the Oncology floor .... and I no longer had to sleep in the waiting room now that he was in a room with a sofa.

Sunday, November 13, was celebrated with the entire family crowded into Charley's room ... a day filled with laughter, a few tears (of joy) and a great sense of relief.

For Thou art with me.

Daily Manna Provider

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we are so quick to pile stuff on our plate.

Which wouldn't be a bad thing if the plate was at the Hibachi Grill.

But, no, the "plate" I'm talking about is the one piled with worries and fears

the "plate" that most people refer to as "too much" ...

and is rather unappetizing ...

and yet, there we go, piling it on.

When Jesus taught His disciples how to pray

He included a very simple but profound request.

"Give us this day our daily bread."

Daily.

You know ... that manna stuff

one day at a time ...

no storing up worries for tomorrow stuff.

So, when you discover that you are under insured

after a flash flood makes your home inhabitable ...

or that you don't have sick pay for that lengthy medical leave ...

or you think you are sinking ... cause the waves all around you are so high ...

or you feel so threatened that you just want to hide in a cave somewhere ...

that's not a bad place to be ...

it's actually a pretty good place,

cause that's where you find the daily manna Provider.

Daily.

Yesterday my son, Joey, got married.

His beautiful bride, Caitlin, cried before, during and after the wedding.

So did I.

Seeing her have her hair woven into a beautiful array by my daughter, Suzy ...
while still in a pretty plaid shirt and cut off jean shorts ...
I cried.

Seeing my son walk into the sanctuary with his grooms men ...
I cried.

Hearing the music swell as we all stood to welcome the bride into the ceremony ...
I cried.

It was hard not to shed those tears of JOY.

It was a beautiful sunny day,
but even if it had been overcast or rainy as was predicted by the weather forecast,
the light of JOY would have dispelled any darkness ...

the sense of gratitude was overwhelmingly present during the entire ceremony.

That two people could be so made for each other ...

and literally glow with love and contentment.

Yesterday my son, Joey, got married!


Oh, glorious day!

Home Is ...

I get restless from time to time.  Feeling like I need to DO something ... not the little things ... like cleaning the house ... shopping ... taking up a new hobby ....

but the DO that means looking at real estate property and travel trailers .....

When I add up all the places I've lived, up to this point in my life, the number is almost as high as my age.

Okay, so my Dad was in the military ... as was my ex-husband ... and that might account for some of this restlessness.

But, I seriously think I have a good bit of gypsy in this Irish blood.

In spite of my restlessness, I am able to make myself at home wherever I end up living ...

whether it be an entire summer spent in an authentic Sioux teepee with five other girls ... in Alaska,

or, sleeping on the floor of an unfinished dorm (no windows or doors) high up in the Jamaican mountains ...

where you have to walk a mile to a spigot to get running water to wash your clothes and then carry them back again, so you can hang them out to dry .....

or, a tent with a four year old and an eight year old who wants to adopt a little abandoned field mouse, still blind from recent birth ...

which squeaks all night long in her little bucket .... the mouse definitely was not at home.

Then there was the time when we sold everything and moved from WV to VA ....

cramming all of us into a 400 square foot, one bedroom condo for six weeks ...

Now ... three moves later ... it seems I have finally grown roots ...

I can hardly believe we have lived in our current house for six years!

Our garden gets bigger every year ... so I must have really made myself at home ...

and yet ... underneath all the contentment of daily living in our present location,

there is still a restlessness ....

Maybe the restlessness I feel isn't from the way I was raised, or past experiences, or gypsy blood ...

maybe it's because I know that my Father calls us "temporary residents" ... "aliens" ...

maybe that's where the restlessness really comes from ....

my home is .... being prepared for me ....

bet I won't get restless there.

My favorite passage in the scriptures is found in the gospel of John, chapter 10, where Jesus talks about being "the door of the sheep."

"I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved and will come in and go out and find pasture." v. 9

"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." v. 11

"I am the good shepherd. I know My own sheep, and they know Me, as the Father knows Me, and I know the Father. I lay down my life for the sheep.  But I have other sheep that are not of this fold; I must bring them also, and they will listen to My voice.  Then there will be one flock, one shepherd." v. 14-16

The other day my step-father asked me, "Why are there so many different denominations?"


To which I responded, "Because the enemy does not want us to be one body and will do anything he can to separate us."

"The hired man, since he is not the shepherd and doesn't own the sheep, leaves them and runs away when he sees a wolf coming.  The wolf then snatches and scatters them." John 10:12

I am looking forward to the day when the enemy can no longer separate us, and we truly will be one flock, with one Shepherd.